Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Oh god it's open bar.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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