seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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