listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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