i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
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i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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