there was a trapeze. enough said
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize