Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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