i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
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