I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
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do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
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Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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