god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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