She's JV to your varsity
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
i believe in u and ur pee
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize