I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize