I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
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So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
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My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
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