I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
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Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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