Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
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Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
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Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
He did a backflip because drugs
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