Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize