jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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