Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
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there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
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Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Randomize