One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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