tonight lets celebrate not being married
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
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its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
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Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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