Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
tell me about the eggs
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