my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
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