my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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