I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
We left the knife in your bed.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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