You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
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