she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize