the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize