Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
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