I saw his package. It spoke to me.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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