We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
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You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
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My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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