If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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