walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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