Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
It was confusing and full of hummus
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize