Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting married
To pizza
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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