I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
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You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
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The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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