I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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