I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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