Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
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