my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
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Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
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I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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