pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got so high we made milksteak
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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