hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
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Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
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I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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