Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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