How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I wish you could order shots online.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
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