I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize