oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize