dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
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How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
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My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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