Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize