Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
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Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
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She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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