if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
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She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
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I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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