small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
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you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
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You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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