Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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